The year 2023 - Some things are frustrating Sun Jan 01 2023 The year 2023 is here! But what will I do this year? First: looking for a cryptography job. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The year 2023 - Some things are frustrating =========================================== Published Jan 1, 2023 - 17 min read /-------------- Table of contents --------------\ | Table of contents | | * The year 2023 - Some things are frustrating | | * My journey | | * Looking for a job | | * The CISO track | | * The manager track | | * The individual contributor track | | * My priorities | \-----------------------------------------------/ Hey there, it's a new year, the pandemic is still going on, and remote work is established as the norm. [I1: Welcome to the new year] Wait, that's the same intro to the last new year's post [L1] ! True.. 2022 flew by fast, as the pandemic years really seem to be going. I wrote plenty this year, even went to a cool place like DEF CON 30 [L2] at the end of summer, and wrote about Ed25519 a few times. That got some traction. Oh, and my blog has some more technology to it. You won't see this article until midnight my time! But I will have long since deployed it. Turns out I can do quite a bit of useful postprocessing with Cloudflare workers on a static website. Unlike last year, I do not have any year end projects to share for my holiday vacation. Instead, I have reasons to move on from my current employment. /[cendyne: detective]----------------------------------------------------------\ | You may see REDACTED occasionally. This is a feature I added just for this | | article. You will not have access to some more personal details unless I | | know and trust you. As such, the content of this article is far more raw and | | less refined than the usual. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ In short: I am looking for a new job. I believe I can easily find a new one that matches my history of leading a platform team. But will that make me happy? Going forward, I will be specifically looking for opportunities to do cryptography. My journey ---------- I'm going to share a personal timeline. How did I get to 2023? Hah! I wrote 20223 at first. /[cendyne: kernel-panic]-------------------------------------------------------\ | I started using linux when I was fourteen or so to use a PSP cross-compile | | tool chain. I actually developed C kernel plugins before I knew what C | | really was. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: snake-hissy-fit]----------------------------------------------------\ | At some point I started doing server programming in Java for runescape | | private servers, when that was a thing. Java 6 was so bad. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: graduate]-----------------------------------------------------------\ | I started freelancing web development during high school. Earned enough on | | my own to purchase my own computer parts. I was relying on a pentium 2 | | laptop for a long time. Then I graduated. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: oh-heck-its]--------------------------------------------------------\ | I managed to get hired for a university student developer job with my | | existing skillset, before my first class started. I was the only freshman | | ever hired for that role. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: am-i]---------------------------------------------------------------\ | I worked part time in university and found I was great at both product | | development and no one else in the team but me could safely maintain shared | | code like the database driver and stored procedures. This was a hint that I | | liked developing for other developers. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: hold-up]------------------------------------------------------------\ | I really liked databases in university. I even considered working on | | Casandra professionally. But at the time? Ewww java. Everything I | | encountered up to that point was Java 6. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: derpy-type]---------------------------------------------------------\ | I somehow became a technical editor for a textbook on kickstarter. I got | | good at LaTeX. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: studying]-----------------------------------------------------------\ | Classes got sufficiently difficult. Oops, I accidentally wrote a multi- | | physics engine harness to compare physics simulation for cinematography for | | an English class. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: but-like]-----------------------------------------------------------\ | My team got 100/100 for original research and then the English department | | banned original research in the technical writing course going forward. | | Maybe it was just me making it harder for myself. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: corporate-drone]----------------------------------------------------\ | I was intimidated by big tech. My peers were getting offers from microsoft | | and google. I ended up in some place in the midwest. When I joined, they had | | 5,000 staff. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: shinji-chair]-------------------------------------------------------\ | I was challenged to reduce the burden for QA on a system fundamentally | | incompatible with writing unit tests or integration tests. And I burned out | | thinking, "I'm so smart, surely I can do this on my own." | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: not-stonks]---------------------------------------------------------\ | The staff count grew to around 9000. The company missed an important deal | | and began to manage out all the low performers. I failed my Performance | | Improvement Plan. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: mirror-drool]-------------------------------------------------------\ | While burned out and my personal self image ripped to shreds, I resigned | | with two months notice. That was the maximum they'd permit. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: mlammo]-------------------------------------------------------------\ | Three weeks later I was out of burnout. One week after, I was the top team | | performer again. And my manager was so confused. I finally figured out how | | to let go. And I left. Also in retrospect, I learned several things: | | communicate a lot and recognize when you are stuck and escalate. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: laptop2]------------------------------------------------------------\ | I got an underpaid job as some "full stack software engineer" somewhere. I'm | | still there at the moment this is published. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: public-speaking]----------------------------------------------------\ | I'd speak sometimes at clojure and haskell meetups. Back in college I | | developed a life goal to speak at tech conferences. I haven't yet, but would | | like to. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: gay-intensifies]----------------------------------------------------\ | While at a very gay furry convention, on vacation, my employer got breached. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: cap-of-shame]-------------------------------------------------------\ | One of the developers went and stored bank information in the database | | without any protection or confidentiality. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: i-lied]-------------------------------------------------------------\ | Thus began my journey into cryptography. Where I tried and failed twice to | | secure that information. It is quite secure now, but whoa, I found my niche. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: cough]--------------------------------------------------------------\ | I bought a house! Finally, I can live free from an apartment building | | infested with black mold which caused me to cough every day. The most the | | landlord would do is provide a spray bottle of bleach water. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: nope]---------------------------------------------------------------\ | The pandemic started and the world changed. The housing crisis became a | | thing too. Good thing I got one beforehand. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: macro]--------------------------------------------------------------\ | My boss resigned and moved elsewhere. I started leading the team from a | | technical level, not people management. At the time, I felt I hit a ceiling | | with my productivity and impact, so I was ready to do this. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: heartburn]----------------------------------------------------------\ | Then I was told, "You're a manager now! Start having 1-1s" I had to develop | | new soft skills to see how others work, how they feel, how to communicate | | with them in this relationship. It was all new to me. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /[cendyne: noot-noot]----------------------------------------------------------\ | Four months later, I was officially title changed. They only did so after an | | all company meeting had me as "employee of the month" or something but had | | my role wrong. REDACTED Even so, somehow my employer expected I maintain my | | leading status as an individual contributor while managing five people. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ /------------------------------------------------------------------------------\ | This progressively gets worse. It has nothing to do with becoming a manager. | |------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | /[cendyne: notices]--------------------------------------------------------\ | | | A reorganization happened and a new person was installed above me. | | | | REDACTED My project management series [L3] is a consequence of that. I | | | | had to hire my team and another team. I interviewed around a hundred | | | | times. | | | \--------------------------------------------------------------------------/ | | | | /[cendyne: drunk]----------------------------------------------------------\ | | | I got burned out again, predictably. REDACTED I was ready to leave. | | | | REDACTED | | | \--------------------------------------------------------------------------/ | | | | /[cendyne: jaw-dropped]----------------------------------------------------\ | | | The company was reorganized again and the person above me had their role | | | | removed from the organization. They are gone now. | | | \--------------------------------------------------------------------------/ | | | | /[cendyne: content]--------------------------------------------------------\ | | | I developed my team, got several great people working together, | | | | understood what to look for in candidates and so on. Finally felt like | | | | everything was going well. | | | \--------------------------------------------------------------------------/ | | | | /[cendyne: heck]-----------------------------------------------------------\ | | | We're asked to show up at the office in person with a false meeting | | | | name. "We have to cut head count in half" REDACTED "We grew too fast." | | | \--------------------------------------------------------------------------/ | | | | /[cendyne: dread]----------------------------------------------------------\ | | | I had to pretend everything was fine, even to other managers who would | | | | be removed. It was one of the worst weeks in my life. I had to | | | | objectively rank and align every team member in the engineering | | | | organization to the organization's goals in the future. | | | \--------------------------------------------------------------------------/ | | | | /[cendyne: sweating]-------------------------------------------------------\ | | | Through convenient miracles, my team was left largely untouched. After | | | | all... keeping the product actually online to retain revenue is | | | | important. | | | \--------------------------------------------------------------------------/ | | | | /[cendyne: gendo]----------------------------------------------------------\ | | | Things settle again and we're back to being productive. REDACTED | | | \--------------------------------------------------------------------------/ | | | | /[cendyne: yamcha]---------------------------------------------------------\ | | | It was not meant to be. | | | \--------------------------------------------------------------------------/ | | | | /[cendyne: panic2]---------------------------------------------------------\ | | | I get pulled into another mysterious meeting. "We have to cut head count | | | | in half, again" REDACTED | | | \--------------------------------------------------------------------------/ | | | | /[cendyne: faint]----------------------------------------------------------\ | | | In a way, I handle it better this time. It still sucks. But this time I | | | | have to deliver the workforce reduction messaging. | | | \--------------------------------------------------------------------------/ | | | | /[cendyne: glassy-tears]---------------------------------------------------\ | | | One of my reports cries during the delivery. I do too. | | | \--------------------------------------------------------------------------/ | | | | /[cendyne: thumbs-up]------------------------------------------------------\ | | | Afterwards, I worked with that person for six hours to refine their | | | | resume. I had a reference call with a recruiter. They are now employed | | | | again and their team is praising their strength and competency. | | | \--------------------------------------------------------------------------/ | | | | /[cendyne: life-update-it-got-worse]---------------------------------------\ | | | I got pulled into another mysterious meeting. I cannot handle it anymore | | | | ! REDACTED | | | \--------------------------------------------------------------------------/ | | | | /[cendyne: you-are-the-entire-circus]--------------------------------------\ | | | The company has an all hands the next day REDACTED and they want to do | | | | damage control. REDACTED | | | \--------------------------------------------------------------------------/ | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ And that's where I am now. I finally figured out how to find happiness as a manager, how to grow my team members and promote them as their skills and competency magnify. Only to have my team cut in half! I literally cannot fulfill my professional role in this environment. I need to move on. I found out that cryptography is my thing at this job, so that is a plus. REDACTED Looking for a job ----------------- I have a few options. I kind of feel for CISO. It is very intriguing and I managed to get my company to institute smart keys for privileged users. But, I would have to figure out politics which is yet another soft skill if I want some C-level thing. I could continue a managerial / leadership position. I could be an individual contributor again. Right now, I am doing all of the above, and frankly I would rather not do that in the future. These are very different skill-sets and they compete for real head space. The CISO track ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ As interesting as it is, I have only dipped my toes in the water and I am inexperienced. I do not have a mentor or coach I could ask for advice. The manager track ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ To be successful as a manager, I need to have a few things: * An interesting problem space that engages me * The budget to staff a team of sufficient size * Making good hiring decisions on curating that team * A clear objective and place in the company * The patience and support from leadership and peers to deliver results at my standard of quality. The only thing I have right now is an interesting problem space: cloud and application security and platform engineering. The individual contributor track ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ To be successful as an individual contributor, I need to have a few things: * An interesting problem space that engages me * A clear objective and place in the company * Supportive and engaging team members * Ownership of something While I can, and have done everything my team individual contributors have, that does not mean I enjoy it. Maybe some people have fun with "DevSecOps" SDLC infinity loop stuff. Not me. My priorities ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 1. I must remain at my current address - it took me seven years to find the friends I have here. 2. I need to be happier - my friends have seen how sad and frustrated I've become over the years. 3. I want more energy for my personal time again - part of how I care for myself is doing things that make me happy. 4. REDACTED That means I need to find a place accepting remote positions with has a healthy culture and stable revenue. A "grow grow grow" startup will be a perpetual source of stress. A company that explicitly labels its engineers as a "cost center" is also a no. [I2: A picture of a party on new years with several people enjoying themselves.] Seriously, what could possibly motivate me to leave behind a community of friends with all sorts of different passions, hobbies, life styles, professions, gender identities, romantic orientations, chosen online likenesses, and more? I am able to say: "Hey, I can host a new years party" and twenty three people show up. Years ago, the best I could hope for was to light off a sparkler with a roommate that worked at the same place. Remote work is here to stay for me. /[cendyne: bet]----------------------------------------------------------------\ | [I3: a pizza box with the sticker 'bet' doodled on it] | | | | No job can replace feeling like people care that you exist. You can bet on | | that. | \------------------------------------------------------------------------------/ I have applied to a few places that involve cryptography. I hope that I am successful in grabbing a new job soon. I will keep my friends. [I4: fur suit heads, each one a different kind of bird] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [L1]: /posts/2022-01-01-new-year.html [L2]: /posts/2022-08-21-def-con-30.html [L3]: posts/2021-11-07-project-planning-part-1.html [I1]: https://c.cdyn.dev/hPk0SIy1 [I2]: https://c.cdyn.dev/b9sS2UUp [I3]: https://c.cdyn.dev/14GKSPGx [I4]: https://c.cdyn.dev/uG5mtcOa